Queen Victoria

News Corp Chief Executive Rupert Murdoch attends The Times CEO summit at the Savoy Hotel in LondonDear Rupert Murdoch,

I am writing with good news. Not good news for you. Let me explain.

You are probably in a pretty good mood right now, understandably. Your puppet is running my country. Not your country. My country. You chose to give away your citizenship of Australia, presumably because you can make more money as an American. So now you are precluded from voting in Australian elections, which is by the by because you are, I’m depressed to say, having the pulling-out-a-plug-in-a-bath sort of influence regardless. Compared to my citizen’s vote being equal to pissing in the ocean.

However, I’ve moved on from the anger I felt about this situation in the lead up to the election, when you used your Australian newspapers to not just campaign for an Abbott government win, but to bully and downright corrupt your way into power. You got what you wanted and now…

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